Sexy New Valentine’s Traditions
Doesn’t your Valentine’s Day need a little kick? Junk the candy, flowers and hearts. Here are some new Lover’s Day traditions, inspired by women around the globe who know how to make “sex and love” work for them. This Valentine’s Day…
Take control. Take it from the Tchambuli women of Papua New Guinea. Women should run the mating game. If anyone’s going to send a Valentine, she’ll be the one. Some guy wants to take charge? Don’ even think about it! Men should do what they do best: primp, weave flowers in their hair, do their best to attract women. Then, when the women come home from a hard day of hunting, they will decide which guys get their favors.
Build skills. Mangaian women want their male Valentines well-trained. Every Mangaian male learns to fully appreciate every aspect of a woman’s body, especially her clitoris, and how to delight it. Older women shoulder the training so young men can bring their Valentines to the best climaxes ever. How well has he learned his lessons? Check out his rating on the Mangaian women’s version of Yelp.
Be a real princess. Every Kreung young woman of Cambodia is confident she’s in charge of her own body. At mid-teens she’s ready to pick her Valentine-for-the-night. She’ll invite the lucky lad to spend the night in her room, doing whatever she decides. Talking…. cuddling… sleeping… or having sex. Whatever she decrees, he obeys instantly. Doing anything else would never cross his mind – not if he wants to stay healthy.
Honor your ancestors. Feeling too shy to send pick a Valentine? Remember the Amazons. These awesome women battled armies on horseback, got high on grass, relaxed in saunas, and chose any men they wanted. When the spirit moved, they picked some deserving guys, partied, and got pregnant. The baby girls stayed with them. Baby boys went back to daddy.
Tired of men? Make your Valentine a woman, say Lobedu women of South Africa. Easy to do, ladies, with lots of benefits. Simply set up a home and pay a “bride-price” for a wife. Ta-dah! You’re a husband! Your new status gives you all the political power and privileges of a “man.” Sex isn’t part of that package, so you’re free to marry a guy, too, if those are your druthers.
Love: the law of large numbers. The Aché of Paraguay enjoy picking a Valentine’s lover…or two…or three. Enjoy the bounty that nature bestows! The best Valentine’s Day is one with lots of Valentines! Aché women have lots marriages – 12 is a nice, round number. Plus plenty of lovers, of course. All kids have several dads, who all pitch in to keep both babe and baby safe and comfortable.
Don’t let marriage destroy romance. The Turu of Tanzania know how to keep marriage fresh: Plenty of Valentine lovers. No need to sneak around. Everyone agrees. You get married to become prosperous. Passion just messes with the accounting. Take it from the Turu: keep amour and Valentines where they belong –with your lovers, not your spouse.
Keep it hot. The Inuit of Greenland have the perfect Valentine’s party game for those cold February nights. It’s called “Extinguishing-the-Lamp.” Here’s how to play: invite over some cool neighbors. Douse the lights. Shed your clothes. Get moving till you stumble unto a new partner. Enjoy! Enjoy some more! Float back to your original mate. Relight the lamps. Relax in the warm, happy, Valentine’s Day glow.